Shit Tony Abbott Says #4

Tony Abbott, the gift that keeps on giving has had a pretty good week. This week, the flavour has been the standard idiocy, with a side of mutiny. We (Australia) almost lost our beloved, the honourable, Tony Abbott.

This one is just too easy, but I can’t resist.

“Good Government starts today”

Wow dude… For the international readers, you need to realise that he has been Prime Minister since September 2013….. But never fear, as per Tony’s claim, we have now had almost five business days of ‘good government.’ What a DICKHEAD.

In addition to this weeks instalment, an idea raised by fellow blogger from ‘A Momma’s View‘ this week I am opening the floor to you guys. It is just so hard keeping up with this moron that I am requesting your help.

Depending on how it goes, I would like to introduce ‘Shit Tony Abbott Says‘ as a static page on the blog. If you have some favourites, or would like to contribute on a weekly basis, please head over to the contact page and submit your quotes.

If all goes well and we have some interest, I will post your quote/s weekly with a link back to your blog and/or other. Although, I do ask that you reference where you got the quote if you can. 🙂


Christians Against Dinosaurs

Poor T-Rex can’t catch a break. bastardised for his taste in food, given small, useless arms and now being attacked by Christianity.

Yep, this exists. There is also a Facebook page called ‘Christians Against Dinosaurs.’ I couldn’t help but laugh. Check this link too for a best-of collection. 🙂

Last night, my partner showed me a post from a concerned mother ranting about the impact dinosaurs are having on her children. Dinosaurs are evil, apparently.

So, true to Christian form, she burned her children’s dinosaur toys at the stake. Well, stake not included, but you get the idea. She burned them good and proper. Need to make sure they don’t come back to life right, a dinosaur zombie apocalypse is the last thingraptor-jesus we need. Better pray on that tonight.

In all honesty, I apologise to any of you who are religious, I don’t mean to offend you. But seriously, what did dinosaurs ever do to Jesus? Or is ‘dinosaur’ really a codename for Jews?

Either way, wow, there are people out there who debate the existence of dinosaurs. Fuck man, to quote the late great Bill Hicks, ‘I think you were put here to test my faith dude.’

You may also be happy to know, like I was, that there is a somewhat dinosaur revolution going on against their oppressors. Another Facebook group exists, ‘Dinosaurs Against Christianity.’ I am now a member of it to show my support for the T-Rex’s noble cause. That is, the right to be recognised raptorlogicas a legitimate part of history… Just like Jesus is… Umm no, sorry bad joke.

To all the dinosaur skeptics out there, let me make one thing clear. There is NOTHING in the Bible that says Jesus WAS NOT a raptor. Nothing, not one piece of evidence. He may very well have been a raptor, or maybe a T-Rex. Or maybe just a religious allegory for the ‘sun’. Who knows. Just throwing it out there.

Viva La Dinosaur’!!!

Hey guys, What is Fisting? – Cards Against Humanity with a Pre-Teen

We must be getting old, something I tell myself more and more in recent times. Last year, we went out for a few drinks, only to return home with some friends about half an hour later to play Monopoly instead.

I used to enjoy going out, when I was in my early twenties’ I was out most weekends, now I look around and think, damn, I am ten years older than the median age here…. Time to go.

On that note, my partner and I decided to start a monthly games night at our place. We both love our board games, card games and that sort of thing, and a few of our friends also do. What we all have in common is not having fun standing around a bunch of drunk teens at the pub. Times have changed.

A few weeks ago we had one such night. However, we also had my sister-in-laws son over for the night. He started high school this year, I for one think he is far too innocent to be in high school. Time for an education…

So the sister-in-law drops him off that afternoon, and we mention we are having some people over to play a ‘card game’. Said game is commonly known as ‘Cards Against Humanity‘. For those of you that know it, I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. For those that don’t, at this point in this post you need to answer the following questions:

1. Are you easily offended / do you take offence to bad, bad, humour? If so, please stop reading. Now.
2. Are you religious? If so, please stop reading. Now.

Well, we did the responsible thing and told her that we would be playing this game. My partner said something along the lines of, ‘we will put a movie on for the kids, he shouldn’t be playing this’….

Hah… I answer, ‘Nah, he will be fine’. On that note, sister-in-law gives the go ahead to let him play.

What a fucking night this was.

Our friends come around and we order pizza for dinner. Then, the game comes out. The pre-teen, currently in that point of life where he is torn between being a kid, and joining the adults, comes running over to sit next to me. Curious as to what this game was, and how to play it. We explain that the idea is to make the most offensive and / or rude statement you can from the cards you are given.

He opts to sit a few hands out. A few hands later, I am pretty sure he thought we were all speaking a different language. I finally get him confident to play, get him his hand of cards, and off we went.

In the next few hours, I couldn’t stop laughing. For a few reasons. Below are some of the questions to come from his mouth, all in a period of about ten minutes:

1. What is fisting?
2. What is incest?
3. What is double penetration?

At this point, please do not forward this post on to child protective services. Come on, he is in high school, if he does not know what fisting is, he will soon, and will know a cards2lot worse than that. Can’t tell you how funny and awkward having to answer some of these questions was. Great times.

There is also another good reason to play Cards Against Humanity with a pre-teen. They manage to pick awesome cards, and read them out without actually understanding what they mean, or how funny they are.

Well yes, I may be going to hell now. I figure, if I am, I may as well stake a claim for the presidential suite. If you like a good laugh, and can take a joke, I recommend getting this game. It should also be reiterated, the goal is to offend, what comes out is not an accurate representation of anyone’s way of thinking. No burning crosses etc at our place.

Apparently, it’s on – Luke Simpkins to motion a Lib leadership spill on Tuesday

I won’t bother writing about it, here is a link to the good news. I am going to have a beer to celebrate.

Shit Tony Abbott Says #3

Leadership this, leadership that…. Who gives a shit? To me it matters not which Liberal asshole leads us, for more on that, try Google, any newspaper and/or radio station in Australia right now.

This weeks instalment is not exactly a quote as such, but it does come from a joint press release from Tony Abbott and Attorney General George (fuckwit) Brandis.

I mentioned in my rant about the Martin Place Incident that the government would use this as a catalyst for pushing it’s Orwellian Data Retention and so-called Anti-Terrorism laws. Guess what, I told you so. If you have not read that post, please keep in mind, data retention would have achieved nothing, the Police knew the gunman well, and let him walk on several occasions.

Anyway, Here is a list of dot points taken from the press release. A link to the full document here. Pretty scary shit. Remember, anything you’ve ever said, typed or browsed can and will be used against you.

The legislative measures include:

  • Broadening the listing criteria for terrorist organisations to ensure advocacy of terrorist acts is not limited to specific acts and that advocacy captures promotion and encouragement of terrorism;
  • Making it easier to arrest terrorists by lowering the threshold for arrest without warrant for terrorism offences;
  • Ensuring ASIO can access its questioning and detention powers beyond July 2016 (when they are scheduled to expire under current legislation) and that the AFP can continue to access control orders and preventative detention orders (powers which are scheduled to expire in December 2015);
  • Extending AFP stop, search and seizure powers in relation to terrorist acts and offences beyond December 2015;
  • Improving the ability of the AFP to seek control orders on returning foreign fighters;
  • Making it easier to prosecute foreign fighters, including by making it an offence to travel to a designated area where terrorist organisations are conducting hostile activities unless there is a legitimate purpose;
  • Clarifying that it is an offence to participate in any way in terrorist training; and
  • Enabling ASIO to request suspension of an Australian passport (or foreign passport for a dual national) in appropriate circumstances.



For the Australian’s, you all know there has been a SmörgĂ„sbord of Abbottism’s to choose from this week. In light of that, I think it is just too predictable for episode 2 to use the Knightmare, or Credlin.

That is just too easy, and no fun. Google will find you that.

So I went into Tony’s best-of album. Malcolm Turnbull may just be the pawn that leads the libs into the next federal election. So we ask, what does Tony think about Mr Turnbull?

“We have a strong and credible broadband policy because the man who has devised it, the man who will implement it virtually invented the internet in this country.”

What an honour it would be to have the man who invented the interwebz as PM….. What a fucking moron.

All things considered, Turnbull does dominate the political centre in Australia, and could get votes from swingers. I brought this up because you shouldn’t be fooled, look what he has done (or has not done) with the NBN. I for one am fed up with my ADSL1 connection.

Next week, who knows, stay tuned.

Shit Tony Abbott Says #1

Inspired by other blogger’s who like to post a random quote for readers to dwell on i have decided to start a weekly quote post with a twist. Thanks to Time for My Thoughts and Idiot Writing for the inspiration. 🙂

More for the benefit of my readers outside Australia, welcome to ‘Shit Tony Abbott Says‘. I would just like the world to know, the Australian Prime Minister does not represent the views of the Australian people.

With that said, here is this weeks quote, and number 1 in the series.

‘I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons’

Halal Meat in Australia – What’s the big deal?

There has been a lot of talk in Australia for a while now about Halal Certified meat. I for one have paid little to no attention to it. I was at the pub last Sunday afternoon and some hick was in there wearing a blatantly racist shirt, something something, Muslim, Halal… So, i decided that i would take a look into the ‘issue’ of Halal Certification in Australia.

To be honest, i didn’t really know what Halal was/is. So i decided to start with a definition. What makes meat Halal meat?

Every religion has its own characteristics and rules. Many faiths also have their own dietary or consumables restrictions. The word Halal is derived from the Arabic language and means ‘acceptable’ or ‘permissible’, relating to the source of the produce or ingredients, the cleanliness of premises, preparation methods and the final product. Conversely, non-Halal (Haram) means non-permissible or unacceptable. “Halal” is similar to the concept of “kosher” food requirements under Jewish dietary law, and refers to food, drink and other consumables that Muslims consume as part of Islamic dietary requirements.This does not affect the quality, nature, or taste of the product. Moreover, the Halal products must meet the relevant standards for food safety, quality, and nutrition.

To that end, my understanding is the meat is prepared in a particular way to suit the religious requirements of those who choose to follow that faith. So, what is the problem with that?

Idiots (Straya Maaatttteeeeeee)
This post was prompted by these idiots, the bogans that for some reason now think Halal Certified meat in Australia is funding ‘terror’ organisations. Yeh, right….. Because that would make total sense. Some people have even been calling for supermarket chains to remove Halal meat from their product lines.

Here are a couple of quotes from some cranky consumers:

“I do not wish to support any brand that pays an Islamic religious tax to have their product halal certified. Less than 2% of this population is Muslim and I do not want to fund special religious rituals or political campaigns to increase the presence of Sharia Law in Australia.”

“I also appreciate that Woolworths Homebrand and Select labels are NOT halal certified. Since Muslims represent less than 2% of the Australian population it would be unreasonable to expect consumers to fund unnecessary and sometimes cruel religious rituals for certain products.”

There are a few things i see wrong with these statements, other than the blatantly obvious.

1. If you don’t want to ‘support’ Halal, then simply, don’t buy it. In case you forgot, you have freedom in Australia to make that choice…..
2. Islamic religious tax…? Umm ok, i fail to see how there is an additional ‘tax’ for these products. Did these people forget that most, if not all supermarkets charge extra for things like ‘organic’, ‘vegan’, ‘free range’ products, just to name a few. Are these products subject to a ‘hipster tax’, if so, i refuse to pay it. I hate hipsters.
3. Halal supports Sharia Law. This i totally don’t get. It is meat, it supports nothing more than iron and protein in your diet. Nothing more, nothing less. What are these people scared of, considering Islamic peoples’ apparently make up 2% of the Australian population. I would say it is a safe bet that Sharia Law is not going to be on the top of the list for the next few federal elections guys….

Animal Cruelty
Ok, this is a little close to my heart, i love animals. I was not actually sure how the killing process differed from normal practice. Here is what i have found.

The main concern with halal slaughter is whether or not pre-slaughter stunning is used. In Australia, the national standard for meat production requires that all animals must be effectively stunned (unconscious) prior to slaughter. The vast majority of halal slaughter in Australia complies with this standard, that is, all animals are stunned prior to slaughter. The only difference is that a reversible stunning method is used, while conventional humane slaughter may use an irreversible stunning method. The time to regain consciousness following a reversible stun may vary depending on the intensity of the stun. At Australian abattoirs, the aim is to ensure that reversible stunning is done in a way that depth of unconsciousness is sufficient to allow for the animal to bleed out and die before there is a chance of regaining consciousness.

Halal slaughter in overseas abattoirs often does not include stunning – this is the key difference between halal slaughter in Australia and many other countries. Although reversible stunning is far better from an animal welfare perspective than no stunning at all, irreversible stunning is more effective in inducing unconsciousness than reversible stunning and is therefore the preferred method.

Not so bad.

Here are some numbers surrounding production and export growth for the Halal market in Australia.


I am no economist, but it would appear to be a booming industry. Why stop it? It is giving people jobs, and it is putting money in the pockets of the farmers in our country. All good with me.

Here are the census details surrounding religious persuasion in Australia.


Roy Morgan Research show that the number of Aussies aged 14+ who agree with the statement, ‘The food I eat is all, or almost all, vegetarian’ has grown from 1,608,000 in 2009 to 1,935,000 (or 10% of the population) as of June 2013.

My Conclusion
Stop being a bunch of racist jerks. Being an accepting, multicultural society is what makes Australia a great country. I have no problem with Halal, i probably won’t be spending the extra $3 a week to eat it, but that is my choice. I also won’t be turning vegetarian anytime soon. But i will say, Halal should stay, if it goes, so should all of the other choices we have grown accustomed to. It is people’s right to choose freely, not your right to choose for them.

Guess what, you may have forgotten, the biggest Islamic State by population is our closest neighbour. Indonesia, a great country. I have been many times, I am not worried about terrorists there. The only worry i have with the meat there is how long it has been left in the sun prior to being put on my plate.

Get over it.

Personalised Picture Book for Kids

Our little guy loves books. Which is great, as so do we. We have always read to him, and these days he is more likely to pick a book rather than TV for entertainment.book8

For Christmas last year, the wife managed to find something pretty special. Not sure how or where she stumbled upon it, but we ended up getting him a personalised picture book called ‘The Boy Who Lost His Name‘. Good old interwebs, can find anything these days.

This book is amazing, you order it online and enter your child’s name, and a special message for the inside cover if you like. They will then print off the story about a boy or girl book3‘looking’ for their name. Your child’s name. I think it is a really great idea. I will also say that i am pleased with the quality of the printing, very nice.

We also ended up buying one for a friends little girl too. She has one of those names you are unlikely to find printed on anything. I thought it was a great gift idea.

Just thought i would share our find, if you are into this kind of thing. Makes a great gift i think, and with the customised message too, something that they can hold onto for a long time. 🙂

book4 book7 book6