Shit Tony Abbott Says #4

Tony Abbott, the gift that keeps on giving has had a pretty good week. This week, the flavour has been the standard idiocy, with a side of mutiny. We (Australia) almost lost our beloved, the honourable, Tony Abbott.

This one is just too easy, but I can’t resist.

“Good Government starts today”

Wow dude… For the international readers, you need to realise that he has been Prime Minister since September 2013….. But never fear, as per Tony’s claim, we have now had almost five business days of ‘good government.’ What a DICKHEAD.

In addition to this weeks instalment, an idea raised by fellow blogger from ‘A Momma’s View‘ this week I am opening the floor to you guys. It is just so hard keeping up with this moron that I am requesting your help.

Depending on how it goes, I would like to introduce ‘Shit Tony Abbott Says‘ as a static page on the blog. If you have some favourites, or would like to contribute on a weekly basis, please head over to the contact page and submit your quotes.

If all goes well and we have some interest, I will post your quote/s weekly with a link back to your blog and/or other. Although, I do ask that you reference where you got the quote if you can. 🙂


Apparently, it’s on – Luke Simpkins to motion a Lib leadership spill on Tuesday

I won’t bother writing about it, here is a link to the good news. I am going to have a beer to celebrate.

Shit Tony Abbott Says #3

Leadership this, leadership that…. Who gives a shit? To me it matters not which Liberal asshole leads us, for more on that, try Google, any newspaper and/or radio station in Australia right now.

This weeks instalment is not exactly a quote as such, but it does come from a joint press release from Tony Abbott and Attorney General George (fuckwit) Brandis.

I mentioned in my rant about the Martin Place Incident that the government would use this as a catalyst for pushing it’s Orwellian Data Retention and so-called Anti-Terrorism laws. Guess what, I told you so. If you have not read that post, please keep in mind, data retention would have achieved nothing, the Police knew the gunman well, and let him walk on several occasions.

Anyway, Here is a list of dot points taken from the press release. A link to the full document here. Pretty scary shit. Remember, anything you’ve ever said, typed or browsed can and will be used against you.

The legislative measures include:

  • Broadening the listing criteria for terrorist organisations to ensure advocacy of terrorist acts is not limited to specific acts and that advocacy captures promotion and encouragement of terrorism;
  • Making it easier to arrest terrorists by lowering the threshold for arrest without warrant for terrorism offences;
  • Ensuring ASIO can access its questioning and detention powers beyond July 2016 (when they are scheduled to expire under current legislation) and that the AFP can continue to access control orders and preventative detention orders (powers which are scheduled to expire in December 2015);
  • Extending AFP stop, search and seizure powers in relation to terrorist acts and offences beyond December 2015;
  • Improving the ability of the AFP to seek control orders on returning foreign fighters;
  • Making it easier to prosecute foreign fighters, including by making it an offence to travel to a designated area where terrorist organisations are conducting hostile activities unless there is a legitimate purpose;
  • Clarifying that it is an offence to participate in any way in terrorist training; and
  • Enabling ASIO to request suspension of an Australian passport (or foreign passport for a dual national) in appropriate circumstances.



For the Australian’s, you all know there has been a SmörgÃ¥sbord of Abbottism’s to choose from this week. In light of that, I think it is just too predictable for episode 2 to use the Knightmare, or Credlin.

That is just too easy, and no fun. Google will find you that.

So I went into Tony’s best-of album. Malcolm Turnbull may just be the pawn that leads the libs into the next federal election. So we ask, what does Tony think about Mr Turnbull?

“We have a strong and credible broadband policy because the man who has devised it, the man who will implement it virtually invented the internet in this country.”

What an honour it would be to have the man who invented the interwebz as PM….. What a fucking moron.

All things considered, Turnbull does dominate the political centre in Australia, and could get votes from swingers. I brought this up because you shouldn’t be fooled, look what he has done (or has not done) with the NBN. I for one am fed up with my ADSL1 connection.

Next week, who knows, stay tuned.

Shit Tony Abbott Says #1

Inspired by other blogger’s who like to post a random quote for readers to dwell on i have decided to start a weekly quote post with a twist. Thanks to Time for My Thoughts and Idiot Writing for the inspiration. 🙂

More for the benefit of my readers outside Australia, welcome to ‘Shit Tony Abbott Says‘. I would just like the world to know, the Australian Prime Minister does not represent the views of the Australian people.

With that said, here is this weeks quote, and number 1 in the series.

‘I think it would be folly to expect that women will ever dominate or even approach equal representation in a large number of areas simply because their aptitudes, abilities and interests are different for physiological reasons’

Weed could be Legal in NSW soon

It probably comes as no surprise, but i have smoked my fair share of pot in my time. As a teenager, and up until i was around 24, i smoked daily. I was not a lazy, sleepy stoner, i went about my life as any other person would. I was just slightly high all the time.

It probably comes as no surprise, that i support legalisation of marijuana in Australia. In leaflight of recent changes in state politics in NSW, the new Labor Leader, Luke Foley, is a big supporter for legalisation for medical purposes. About fucking time. NSW could become the first state in Australia for legalised weed. Given, it is decriminalised in the ACT, but this is a big step. I for one, am a little excited.

I know what you may be thinking, ‘of course the stoner supports legalisation’…. Well, i dont smoke anymore, i havent smoked in 5 years. Not totally true, if a joint was being passed around, and came my way, i would still have a toke. Anyway, i would just like to say i totally support it, and i have what i consider a legitimate reason to do so.

A few years ago my mother lost a short battle with cancer. She had an extremely rare, extremely aggressive form of cancer, in which she was never fully diagnosed with a particular ‘type’. To give you an indication of just how aggressive this fucker was, here is a brief explanation.

When my friend died, my mother decided to take leave and fly up to my house to be with me. She was working fulltime in a mining industry. She spent the next 2 weeks at my house, a few times she spoke about her current health. Then one morning, i got up and she told me she was going to check herself into hospital, just to make sure she was ok. The next day, an oncologist tells me she has cancer, but it should be ok, early enough to deal with it. A few little dots on her kidney is all they could see, bit of kemo and she would be good again.

Not the worst news ever, but ok. So i decided that she would stay with me during this time. About a week later, she goes back in. This time, something had changed. They call me and say they are now doing a biopsy on her lung. Shit, the fuck?

In that one week, the cancer has spread from being a dot no bigger than my fingernail, to full-blown, aggressive, malignant cancer. They do their tests, and she comes back home with some endone and other meds.

I was back at work at this stage. I went one morning after checking on her before i left. I got home for lunch to find her on the ground in a pool of dried blood, big cut on her head. Ambulance takes us to hospital.

Cancer moved to her brain and bones. Curative medicine had failed her. I called my brother, and he came up to spend the last few weeks with her, we cared for her full-time from home until we were unable to do so.

She died in hospice on 30/10/2013 at 55 years of age.

It took only 5 or so weeks to take her.

I support legalisation because she got to a point where her pain medication was being rejected by her body. Her liver and kidneys were in such a state that they could no longer handle opiate based pain medication. One of the oncologists asked me at that point if i smoked, and said if she could prescribe it, she would.

I know the subject of legalisation is a little tabu, but i would like to know your thoughts on the topic too, please share below. 🙂

Thought’s on the world right now

So i have been thinking alot lately about the current political climate in Australia, and where we stand in a global sense. I have reached a few conclusions i thought i’d share with you all. Be aware, this is purely an opinion, you are all welcome to contribute your own.

Tony Abbott, the guy has become a national joke. It has simply become too easy to criticise this guy, and his dim-witted cabinet. I have been guilty of it myself too. However, and lets face it, there must be a brain in his head or he wouldn’t be where he is today. There are also some pretty scary ideas and policies being thrown around in Australia, and the Pacific region at the moment. Namely, the TPP. I will go into that further soon.

I stopped and thought, ok, the media, the left, the right, the youth, the old, the middle aged, the men, the women and whoever else i forgot to mention, has all but jumped on the ‘Abbott is a dickhead’ band wagon. Although this is more than deserved, i got to thinking. Could this be a carefully thought out tactic to draw attention away from the real issues at hand? Could Abbott be a media scapegoat, misdirecting public attention in hopes that we would forget about our freedoms quietly being aroded in the background? Is there a more sinister picture being painted here?

I think the Snowden saga is another good working example of this. Sure, i totally commend the guy for speaking out. However, his message has been somewhat bastardised by mass media and political lobbyists. We now see people up in Snowden’s defence, and rightly so. But if you stop for a second and come back to the initial issues he raised regarding our civil liberties and right to privacy, it remains unresolved. People have almost lost sight of the fact. Everyone now knows what is occuring, and it is STILL occuring. Did Snowden ‘leak’ information to simply get it out into the public forum for a future society to accept the grim truth that they are being watched? Is there, or will there be, an acceptance of this truth? Probably. And it wouldn’t be the first time.

Abbott and his lackey’s are silently signing away Australia’s freedoms in the form of the TPP. A large scale free trade agreement written by bankers and multi-national corporates. Why has so little of the TPP been spoken about with the wider audience? Data retention laws, extended powers to ASIO, additional powers to Scott Morrison are only the beginning.

The next time you have a quiet laugh at Abbott’s expense, remember, there is a serious side to it.

It’s official, we are the racist country – Senate backs reintroduction of temporary protection visas

Immigration Minister Scott Morrison has suggested the Coalition’s border protection policies are leading to a decreased number of asylum seekers arriving in Indonesia.

Mr Morrison says the number of asylum seekers arriving by boat in Australia has fallen 80 per cent since Operation Sovereign Borders began four months ago.

He said trend is supported by a decrease in the arrival of asylum seekers in Indonesia as well.

“The number of persons newly presenting to the UNHCR in Jakarta for registration per month has fallen from 1,608 in September to just 296 in December,” he said.

The head of the Government’s border protection operation, Lieutenant General Angus Campbell, says it is too early to declare the policies a success.

“While I’m encouraged by this, I’m not complacent, there’s more to be done,” he said.

“It will only be after the monsoon season ends in late March that I’ll be able to be in a position to confidently offer an assessment of how the operation’s going.”

Mr Morrison also defended a change in the way information is provided to the public.

He yesterday revealed he will no longer hold weekly media conferences about the operation, saying it has moved into a new phase.

Instead, a weekly statement on the number of arrivals will be released and media conferences and interviews will be held “as needed”.

Lieutenant General Campbell says the public will be notified immediately in the event of a serious incident, such as the loss of life.

But he says real-time information on operational strategies will not be released.

“This approach has been developed so as to not give tactical advantage to people smugglers, avoid providing official material that may be used to manipulate or confuse illegal immigrants, protect our people in the conduct of their duties,” he said.

“The approach provides for the operational integrity necessary to underpin success.

“I appreciate this approach is not well received by some and there are many different audiences with different expectations of what information should be made available to the public.”

Federal Opposition Leader Bill Shorten says the Government has broken an election promise by putting an end to the briefings.

He says the Prime Minister promised greater transparency before the election.

“Tony Abbott said – in fact a direct quote before the election – they said ‘I absolutely accept you need to know how we’re going and if we have a good week, a bad week or an in-between week, we’ll let you know all about it,'” Mr Shorten said.

“Now what they’ve done is cancelled briefings and they’ve now decided they’ll tell Australians when the Government thinks Australians need to know.”

Campbell confirms Customs bought lifeboats

Lieutenant General Campbell also confirmed Customs has bought large lifeboats to deploy as part of Operation Sovereign Borders.

But he would not comment on how or when those lifeboats would be used.

Earlier this month, media reports suggested the Government was considering using lifeboats to send asylum seekers rescued from unseaworthy vessels back to Indonesia.

At the time, the Government refused to comment on the reports.

“We’ve acquired them to be part of the range of measures that we have at play,” Lieutenant General Campbell said.

“Clearly a lifeboat is involved, potentially, in those on-water activities that we don’t discuss, and so I’m not going to go further in that space.”

Mr Morrison also defended exempting Defence personnel on border protection operations from parts of Australia’s workplace health and safety laws.

The change, made last month, means personnel intercepting asylum seeker boats are now exempt from their obligation to take reasonable care to ensure their own safety and that of others.

Mr Morrison says the measure simply shifts legal liability from the individual to the Government.

“The Government takes responsibility for the policies it’s enacting and that’s what these measures reflect,” he said.

“We ask much of the people who go out there and protect our borders, and these measures are put in place to support and protect them.”

Reports of restricted access to sanitary products rejected

Meanwhile, Mr Morrison has rejected claims that female asylum seekers are being denied access to sanitary products in detention.

Feminist group Destroy the Joint is urging supporters to send unused pads and tampons to Mr Morrison’s office after reports that the Government had restricted access to the products.

Mr Morrison says the reports are false and has labelled the protest juvenile and disappointing.

“All that does is frankly undermine the credibility when other claims are made,” he said.

“That was a ridiculous protest. The policy hasn’t changed. It’s been the same for years.

“There’s open and continued access, on demand [and] female welfare officers, all those sorts of things.”

Christmas Island hunger strike under control, says Morrison

Mr Morrison also says the hunger strike among asylum seekers on Christmas Island is “under control”.

The ABC has been told tensions are rising inside the detention centre and that some asylum seekers have been harming themselves.

There have been reports of six asylum seekers sewing their lips together.

Mr Morrison says there are often incidents across the detention network.

“This particular incident is under control, it’s being managed by the service provider at the time,” he said.

“I get regular updates about what’s happening there. It’s a difficult environment when you’ve had… some people on Christmas Island now for some time.”

By Julie Doyle, staff


Five GOOD things about Joe Hockey

It appears a few people enjoyed yesterdays list of things i like about Tony Abbott. In light of that, and the challenge it was to write, here is another edition for Treasurer Joe Hockey.

Once again i challenge you to come up with five things you like about Joe Hockey.

1. He rehashed my love affair with The Sopranos
Im sure i am not the only one who thinks Joe somewhat resembles Tony Soprano. The guy totally looks like a caricature of a Chicago mob boss, i hope one day he embraces it and starts wearing pin stripe suits and a fedore. We can only hope the Liberal parties end is as anti-climactic as the TV series.

2. He has fixed the budget with minimal effort
Well, maybe that is an exaggeration. But, the budget for 2014 / 2015 was released in May. The carbon tax aside, any major reforms have been blocked (thanks god) by the senate. My only question to our Treasurer is, what exactly have you been doing all year mate? Other than smoking cigar’s?

3. He supports from education
At least he did, when he was at university. In his old angst filled uni days, Joe rallied against paid university degrees. These days, he no longer looks like Jonah Hill and thinks that although he didn’t pay a cent, we all should. All of us, Tony Abbott’s daughters excluded, of course.

4. He isn’t Prime Minister
People may be soon to forget, but we could have been worse off had Hockey won his parties favour against Tony Abbott. Which in fact was a really close run thing. Be thankful we don’t have a Silvio Berlusconi ‘leading’ us.

5. He smokes cigar’s
All things considered, that is kind of badass.

Five GOOD things about Tony Abbott

With so much media bagging out our Prime Minister Tony Abbott, i thought i would I set myself a challenge. This was, to come up with a list of five things i actually like about Tony Abbott.

It was a surprisingly difficult task. I challenge you all to come up with five of your own! 🙂

1. He has managed to unite the country
That’s right, for the first time in a long time, Tony has managed to unite the nation. Sure, we all agree the guy is a total dickhead, but aside from that i think that it is quite an achievement for a Prime Minister. It is not often in Australia that +90% of the population agree with something.

2. He has got young people engaged in politics
Prehaps ‘engaged’ is not the right word. Enraged maybe? Either way, the enigma that is Tony Abbott has pre-pubesint teens all the way up to angst filled university students engaged with the national debate. Something Rudd could have only dreamed of, and probably tweeted about numerous times.

3. He made the Today Show mildly entertaining
You know that god aweful tabloid ‘news’ show in the morning? Yeh, that one. What a grand moment it was when old mate Karl Stefanovic roasted Abbott in front of a live, albiet semi-sleeping Australian audience.

4. He made American politics look good
I can’t remember a time when America has made anyone look bad but themselves. But along came Tony preaching his non-sensical climate malarky during Brisbane’s heatwave…. Even mother nature hates this guy! Obama turns around and ‘shirt fronts’ Abbott the day before the G20. Wow, Ameria made Australia look bad.. World first?

5. He owns 1 tie
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure he owns only the one blue tie. In hindsight, vibrant coloured tie sales have sky rocketed in the Australian retail sector. (figures yet to be confirmed)